Call me a hypocrite. No, it’s okay, I can take it. I write about how we need to be kind to ourselves and never trash talk our weight in front of our kids. And then I go and use the F word on myself. Loophole: Viv can’t read yet. So until she can, I’m just going to laugh through the pain.
Let me start by saying, baby weight, schmayby weight. Breastfeeding and pushing Viv’s stroller uphill in both directions (or so it seemed) took care of that. The real trouble started in year two. I am horrified to report that I somehow managed to pack on 15 new pounds.
How could this have happened? I blame the kid.
I love you, but you’re making me fat
My crappy nutrition and lack of exercise are totally her fault. Here’s how being a toddler mom made me gain 15 pounds:
1. Going to toddler birthday parties every weekend where there is nothing but pizza and cake, which I eat. I’m not one to be rude.
2. Carrying a purse that’s filled with Cheddar Bunnies, Fiddlesticks, peanut butter sandwich crackers and other nice words for cookie.
3. Eating Viv’s leftovers, because it’s a sin to waste food.
4. Viv refusing to get into her stroller once she learned to walk, and walking less than one mph around the block, which does not exactly get my heart rate up.
5. Viv throwing a fit when I tried to put her in childcare at a gym, causing me to give up on the whole gym idea completely.
6. That one time I tried to do an exercise DVD during naptime, when I dropped my sad little 3-pound hand weights and actually woke up sleeping beauty. Not Worth It.
7. Me shoving ravioli into my mouth (“Viv, try this!) to prove how yummy the food she’s ignoring really is.
8. Viv shoving ravioli into my mouth (“Mommy, try this!) because that’s what she’s learned from me about eating.
These are a few of my favorite things
9. Scarfing down my meals in under 10 seconds while standing up/cooking/hiding in the bathroom and never getting those full belly signals in time.
10. Viv not liking leafy greens, or really anything that’s not a carb. Seems like a waste to prepare food I can’t share with the whole family.
11. Viv’s obsession with pushing elevator buttons. So much for stairs.
12. Massive sugar cravings brought on by fertility treatments. That’s not strictly Viv’s fault, but I am trying to give her a sibling, so it kind of is.
13. Being forced to eat drive thru fast food every time Viv falls asleep in her car seat at lunchtime.
14. Never getting enough sleep, which means once I put my kid to bed, I barely have enough energy to work the remote, never mind that “march in place during the commercials” nonsense I read about in magazines.
15. Two words: Mac & Cheese.
My very original New Year’s resolution is to shed those pounds. I’ve already found a kid-friendly Weight Watchers meeting. Of course, the Weight Watchers near me is adjacent to a frozen yogurt shop–the kind with all the crazy candy toppings my toddler loves. Oh hell, I’ll be lucky if I break even.
Sadly, I can relate -to ALL of it. And it is so refreshing to hear someone else is having these same experiences!!!!! BTW, my local weight watchers is right next to an uber-fancy chocolate shop. WTF? How are we supposed to deal with THAT? And try explaining to your two-yr-old why you can’t let her stuff an innocuous little raisin in your mouth b/c you’re “on Atkins” and can have NO carbs at all? Not even a freakin’ little raisin… (Soooo not wasting a carb count on THAT, my darlin’.) I never thought my girls would hear words like “fat” or “diet” from my lips, but… Now my 4 yr old asks: “Mama, are you doing Atkins today, or can you eat whatever you want.” Oy-vey.
Seriously that’s the hardest part for me, my cutie pie shoving food into my mouth. I don’t want to give her food issues so I eat it! Maybe I should look into bulimia? Kidding…
you’ve taken the words out of my mouth……thanks, I’ll be sharing them so everyone I know will get why I keep saying I’m fat and stop trying to pacify me and say that i’m not….
Now if I could just take the food out of my mouth… I’m sure no one tells us we’ve gained weight because we’re still so gorgeous they don’t notice. Right? Right.
Your child and mine are soul sisters. I can relate to most of the experiences you describe. I, too, finally got fed up. I am eating massive salads and vegetables in every possible healthy way. My family eats less as a result, which is not necessarily a bad thing. I gave up on carrying anything in my purse and just keep one emergency snack in the glove box. I have a friend who writes a food blog and hosted a 4-week diet bet that I’m in the middle of, with the goal to lose 4 pounds by the end (5.7 pounds for me). Not sure if I’ll win the bet but it’s fun to try.
I would love to do Weight Watchers but can’t afford it right now. I will say, though, that it feels great to break some bad habits.
(By the way, I blame the husband alongside the kid. For some reason, ever since we got married our plates match at every meal. That, too, had to stop.)
Send me the food blog link! Though usually that backfires because looking at food blogs makes me so damn hungry.
Hi, Amy,
I thought I’d come check out your blog from Families in the Loop (thanks for the sweet comment over there by the way). Sadly, I can relate to every single one of the items on your list. Have awesome gym membership where the kid hates the supercool playroom/daycare? Check. Weakness for mac n’ cheese? Check. And on. And on. I, too, lost my baby weight pretty quickly and was actually shocked about it. Now, my son is 3 1/2 and I weigh more than I did six months after he was born.
Oh, and marching in place during commercials? That seems like too much work. I pretend like I’m going to just clench my butt cheeks the whole time I watch a show. I usually manage to forget about that once I’ve sat back down from marching toward the chips.
Kristi recently posted..Superpowers
Thanks for checking out the blog! I just visited yours and found out we have something in common = incompetent cervixes! We will have to discuss.
Thank you for this post!! My toddler is 16 months old and I’m beginning to gain weight again. 🙁 I lost all my baby weight plus 15lbs (thank you breastfeeding!) in the first year, but now I feel like a fat pig. 🙁 I’m glad its not my imagination! It must be everything on your list. 🙂
That’s why I wrote it – I knew there must be others like me. We should start a support group!